It's five days out, and I'm kinda panicky. (I really hate how that word is spelled. I always have.) I had dinner with MealyMel last night and made it through without crying. Of course, the tears came when I got home. How lame-o. Oh well. This shit has been looming for over a year, and it's finally culminating. That's a lot of pent up anxiety and emotion that has to find it's way out eventually. I haven't broken down and sobbed, but that's only a matter of time. I guess I'll have to get used to studying with tears in my eyes, right? Such is life.
This whole process has really revealed how important our support networks are. I have amazing friends and family, and I am so thankful to them all. They are always there to cheer me on and support me no matter how insane I am. I've got my Post-Comps People -- MealyMel, The Queen of the West Bank, Kristen -- telling me how great it is on the "other side" and that I can make it through the ordeal. I've got my Pre-Comps Friends --Rae of Light,The Good MB, LL -- cheering me on and offering words of support and strength and hugs! I've got my Distance Friends --Kiki and Kia -- sending warm wishes from far off distant places. I've got the family -- Mom and Dad -- who call every day to let me know that they love me and believe in me and are ever of proud of me. And last, but certainly not least, I've got The Boy, who is a category all his own. He loves me and supports me and regularly talks me off ledges with his ridiculous rationality and levelheadedness. It often pisses me off how rational he is, but it is usually what I need since I tend to be far more emotional (damn ovaries!) than he is. He really is fantastic, and I sometimes wonder if I deserve him.
Without all of these unique and interwoven networks, I wonder how much I could actually accomplish. Not much, I'm thinking. If I didn't have all these people loving and supporting me, I'm pretty sure I would still be a middle school teacher in Upstate NY (not that it was a bad thing! I loved it!) wishing I had taken the chance to earn my PhD, a distant dream from my freshmen year of college. But because of you guys, I feel like I just may be able to do this. It's gonna be rough, and, even if I falter, I know you all will be there for me. I appreciate that. More than words can say.