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16 November 2008

Separatist Condition

I've been feeling rather withdrawn and isolated lately. It's very much a self-imposed withdrawal and absolutely no fault of my friends. They are wonderful and amazing in every way. A girl couldn't ask for better friends. It's simply that recent developments in my life have really led me to be rather introspective and self-evaluative. I'm seriously reconsidering my current situation here in Greensboro and at UNCG. I'm not satisfied, and I'm not happy. It seems that everyone I know has eventually come to the conclusion that the 'boro sucks. I've always enjoyed it here. There is some great dining, a few cool hotspots, and the people and weather are pretty decent.  I guess my disillusionment and frustration has caused me to dislike this city and this school and this life. I just want to be over and done with. I'm just over it. Completely and totally over. If I weren't up to my eyeballs in debt, I would pack up and move to Savannah, wait tables, and live a happy life in poverty and a city the celebrates the open container. 

I'm not sure if this feeling will fade. While I generally like to be alone, a general feeling of depression and sadness settles over me whenever I am by myself lately. When surrounded by my people, I feel fine. I feel different from them, but it is manageable and acceptable. As soon as we part ways and go home, the ominous feeling of solitude and being left alone with myself takes me over. I hate being depressive and miserable, but I'm just so damned frustrated and disillusioned that I can't seem to get over it.

Cest la vie, right?
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