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21 April 2008

How does this whole thing work?

I got home from vacation today and was happy. Relaxed and anxiety free. As soon as I walked into the door of my apartment, all that release of anxiety came rushing back at me and hit me like a ton of bricks. I was enjoying feeling free and stress-less so much, and I wish it could have continued forever. But, alas, no such luck.

As you all know, I am super stressed about employment and housing at the moment. (Of course, there are many other sources of stress right now, but those two are the front runners.) I found out today that I was passed over for the job I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wanted an interview for. Of course, I keep looking, but I'm not sure how many more blows to my self-esteem I can handle.

The Boy tells me to "let go and let God." But, how does one do that? Doesn't "God help those who help themselves?" Aren't those two theories of life management contradictory? How do I let go of everything and let God take care of things while I help myself? I don't think this is possible. I talk to The Boy (because he doesn't like how I worry and "stress myself out"about things) and tell him that, while I have faith that God will take care of things, I need to do my best to take care of things myself. If I just sit around on my ass, I'm pretty sure that God will see me as lazy and, well, we all know the seven deadly sins. So I search for jobs and apartments and come up with my tiered system of best- and worst-case scenarios. Of course, when some of my best-case scenarios fall through, I get a wee bit depressed and low. That's only human, right? I'm not giving up and throwing the towel in (no matter how much I want to).

So, my question is, how do I find a happy medium between "letting go and letting God" and "God helps those who help themselves?" Can a happy medium be found? How does one not worry about the future and try to find solutions to their current dilemmas? I have faith that God will provide, but is it wrong to try and make those provisions a little easier for Him by trying to work them out myself? I'm not saying that I can do it without Him or better than Him or anything like that, and I pray for His intervention and guidance and support multiple times per day. I have faith that what He has planned will come to fruition, but that doesn't mean that I give up trying, right? Or am I crazy?

A little help here, please?
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