I got home from vacation today and was happy. Relaxed and anxiety free. As soon as I walked into the door of my apartment, all that release of anxiety came rushing back at me and hit me like a ton of bricks. I was enjoying feeling free and stress-less so much, and I wish it could have continued forever. But, alas, no such luck.
As you all know, I am super stressed about employment and housing at the moment. (Of course, there are many other sources of stress right now, but those two are the front runners.) I found out today that I was passed over for the job I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wanted an interview for. Of course, I keep looking, but I'm not sure how many more blows to my self-esteem I can handle.
The Boy tells me to "let go and let God." But, how does one do that? Doesn't "God help those who help themselves?" Aren't those two theories of life management contradictory? How do I let go of everything and let God take care of things while I help myself? I don't think this is possible. I talk to The Boy (because he doesn't like how I worry and "stress myself out"about things) and tell him that, while I have faith that God will take care of things, I need to do my best to take care of things myself. If I just sit around on my ass, I'm pretty sure that God will see me as lazy and, well, we all know the seven deadly sins. So I search for jobs and apartments and come up with my tiered system of best- and worst-case scenarios. Of course, when some of my best-case scenarios fall through, I get a wee bit depressed and low. That's only human, right? I'm not giving up and throwing the towel in (no matter how much I want to).
So, my question is, how do I find a happy medium between "letting go and letting God" and "God helps those who help themselves?" Can a happy medium be found? How does one not worry about the future and try to find solutions to their current dilemmas? I have faith that God will provide, but is it wrong to try and make those provisions a little easier for Him by trying to work them out myself? I'm not saying that I can do it without Him or better than Him or anything like that, and I pray for His intervention and guidance and support multiple times per day. I have faith that what He has planned will come to fruition, but that doesn't mean that I give up trying, right? Or am I crazy?
A little help here, please?
2 comments:
Um, it's been way too long of a day for me to really comment on this. I'll send you an email. But I think this is a struggle for everyone of faith, for sure...
I wanted to respond to this yesterday...
It's funny, but I just read (or heard - can't remember now) about the idea of God helping those who help themselves just the other day.
The idea was that we tend to think we have to do so much in order for God to help us, whereas if we trust and live in the "rest" of God, then we can rely on him. This allows (requires more like) our faith to be put into action and for us to trust God will take care of us no matter what.
I find this difficult, as you know! I feel like I should do whatever I can to make things happen... but when I heard/read this the other day, it suddenly made sense. It's going to take me a long time to do it successfully, I'm pretty sure, but I like knowing -- realizing? -- that while God does help those who help themselves, he's also looking after the meek and humble who do not help themselves (or the disabled/etc. who can't help themselves). With this in mind, even though it's horribly trying to deal with situations we can't control, that God will help me no matter what I do, as long as I trust in him.
Am I proselytizing? I'm sorry!! But I just wanted to say, take heart and take care and everything will work out in a way that you can use to your good.
btw, have you seen Rescue Dawn? I'm disturbed... they just hung Bale up with the bees nest and then stuck him in the well up to his neck. I hope I don't have nightmares from watching this movie....
Talk to you soon?!?!
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