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22 August 2010

Sunday Productivity

Today was a rather productive day. I slept in until 8:30, got up, ate breakfast, and headed over to run in place for an hour. Yep. I did another hour on the elliptical and burned off another 730 calories. Woo hoo for me!

After showering off all my gym funk, I headed out to run some errands. Returned DVDs, checkout and returned books at the local library, hit the grocery store, and got a pedi. And, oh let me tell you, it was an AMAZING pedi. He rubbed my feet and calves for 25 minutes!!! It was divine. And they had my favorite O.P.I. shade, so that just made everything better.

I did some diss work today )which I say with no emotion or interest). I finished another copy of my prospectus (which will most likely be rejected AGAIN!) and realized that this process has given me an overwhelming fear of failure. I've never been fearless, but I have never been afraid to do something because of rejection or failure. Until now. As soon as I finished the new draft and was ready to send it in to my committee, I started feeling nauseous and nervous and wanted to cry. They have beaten me down so many times that I no longer have any confidence in myself (as far as my writing goes). I pushed through and submitted my work, but I fully expect to see a nice rejection email in the next few days. If it doesn't happen, I'll be shocked.

To be honest, I'm actually okay about not having an approved prospectus. It's the constant and repeated rejection that I'm not okay with. A prospectus in limbo means I don't have to actually write my dissertation. Because, as long as we're being honest, I have NO IDEA how to write a dissertation.

After my diss anxiety subsided, I started evaluating student papers and made it through a good deal. I'm enjoying the new system that we're using. It's making my job a lot easier.

Tomorrow is back to the grindstone ...
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