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28 June 2012

Making decisions like a grown-up ...

... I don't like it. Not one bit.

I woke up this morning and called the school in Baltimore that I had interviewed with on Monday. The head of school had called me last night and asked me to call back as soon as I could. Happily, he offered me the position. I was thrilled, and my wheels immediately started spinning. And the he told me the salary that accompanied my offer.

And the wheels stopped. I knew instantly that I couldn't afford to move to Baltimore. The salary he offered me was the exact same salary as I am currently making. Which doesn't allow at all for the cost-of-living difference between here and Baltimore. I told him that I would get back to him this afternoon while I considered the offer.

I spent the day thinking.

And thinking.

And then thinking some more.

I moved between thinking with my heart ("I love this school! I can survive on a small salary! I'll just cut food out of my budget! And everything else I like!") and my head ("That's not enough money to survive on. You've got a great job here with all of your friends. Why would you leave? Are you crazy?") There was a solid battle all day long, and it was pretty exhausting. Because I am such an emotional thinker, it was really hard to consider this situation from a rational, logical, long-term-happiness perspective. Despite all of the challenges and frustrations I face at my current employment, I had to step back and look at the whole picture.

And I finally came to a decision I'm okay with.

I'm staying put.

For now.

I'll work to make the best of my situation and find happiness here for the time being. It's not my ideal, but it'll do.

But, just for the record, thinking and acting like a grown-up really isn't all it's cracked up to be.
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